I Wanna Reality Show

I think I could easily hold my own with the screaming brides, precocious toddler beauty contestants, families of nineteen children, and disastrous sibling relationships.

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Just putting that out there.

It recently struck me that, for all their "reality", those shows are still seriously airbrushed. You're going to make serious rifts in your relationship? It will look Glamour-worthy even in the middle of the R-rated catfight. Looking for your dream dress? Even if something doesn't work out and you swear at your sister, your fiance, and a random dress designer, you look like a happy, slightly stressed bride-to-be.

Reality.

However, I propose a new reality show. TLC is hereby invited to come to our house and just film. They can catch what they want - counter full of dirty dishes, piles of clothes on the closet floor, my backside sticking into the air as I dig frantically through said pile, muddy spots all over kitchen floor, living room covered with school books/blankets/people, deranged parakeet wildly zinging around the house, demented dog with a hero complex - you get the idea.

Hopefully, you also got what I was trying to say through that graphic description -

Let's be real.

I was just taking a (technically discouraged) Facebook trip and ended up on this article, It was just the encouragement I needed - and it made me think about what my life is like right now. I'm going to be honest, okay?

I am taking twelve credit hours. For the last few months, I have really, really struggled with motivation and procrastination in my schoolwork. That has turned around and "bit me" more times than I care to remember - late nights, bleary mornings, nearly falling asleep on the road, turning things in late, missing assignments. My room (as mentioned earlier) is currently a mess. When I have time, I don't want to deal with it. When I don't have time, I look at it and it really bothers me. I struggle with being annoyed, picky, mean, and selfish with/to my siblings. I get upset with my lovely momma and I get frustrated by my awesome daddy. I spend entirely too much time thinking about guys and relationships. I struggle with giving of myself to some hard situations. And, of course, I could say thirty things more that will pop into my head as soon as I hit "publish". Family situations, friendship intricacies, business problems, invasive health problems, grief, financial issues, the daily stress of watching my country disintegrate, etc.

If that was too much for you, feel free to get your kicks somewhere else. I guarantee you, though, that this is a part of your life too.

I'll be honest about the process of sharing.

It scares me. I literally felt that panicky feeling in my chest, thinking about how horrible I must sound to people out there. What responsible, oldest-child, Christian twenty-year-old leaves her room a mess, spends way too much time fooling around on Facebook, and snaps at her parents? Christian or non-Christian, I fear your judgment and your thoughts about me. I wonder what even my closest friends would think about me if I said this or that. I can see your face as you process what I am saying.

I recently read Victoria Fedden's wonderful book This Is Not My Beautiful Life. (Warning: this is not exactly storytime-with-the-kids material - but it is amazing.) The night I started it, our family had one of those nasty nights of chaos. Some were out on a late night trip for errands, Dad was late getting home from work, everyone was hungry and beyond beyond. Dinner was late - and the real late, folkses, is eating at 10 pm. Oh, it happens. (And I'm actually proud of us. We are living life as it happens, not caught up in "dinner time".) Homework was due and there was responsibility coming out of everyone's ears. As I was burying myself in the couch before family worship, one tenth of a centimeter away from blowing Mount Vesuvius, I took comfort in the fact that Victoria's crazy life was like ours. Ok, I guess my parents didn't end up in prison (and they don't pursue shady financial deals and whatever goes along with that). In my mind, I was proudly declaring "This is real. This is us."

This is real. This is us.

And that's okay.

Every day, I have to remind myself - force feed it down my throat with a spatula - that God loves me. He is in control. He knows me. He knows my life. He knows my sins. He knows that Jesus is right now interceding for me. He wraps me in the sweetest, thickest, strongest frosting of grace.

I am also learning - by His grace again - to be the friend and family member that is okay with what you tell me. It's important, people.

You cannot carry out God's commands to love the body of Christ if you cannot or will not accept people's reality.

So let's try.

Forgive us, Lord, as we have forgiven our debtors. You have shown us mercy beyond any comprehension; help us understand and mercifully love others.

Back to the reality show - I kid you not. If a TV producer shows up on our porch, I will (after rescuing him from above-mentioned demented dog) invite him in and tell him he has free range with his camera... with two conditions.

1. Real must be shown.

2. Grace, as response to the real, must be shown.

Friends, as you pack yourselves into bed tonight, with all your angers, fears, messes, and sins, remember that I am like you. You are like me. Someone else out there is like me, and they are like you.

But God gives grace.

The deranged parakeet, messy closet, screaming fights between siblings, costly software kinks, wandering attention span, and mercy-dispensing family/friends, are, I think, how He most shows His grace. 

Enjoy my reality show, friends.

Mercy Time

Checkout line at Walmart, 5:30 p.m. I've made it through the entire shopping list - apples, milk, rice, chicken broth, salt, and whatever else a family functions on - and am ready to be home two hours ago.

The kind checkout lady swipes the last item: "$44.47."

I dig in my wallet, pull out the card, and swipe.

The sound that everyone dreads: beep. "Transaction could not be completed," says the sassy little touchscreen. (Don't you hate those things sometimes?)

Since I know that this is a problem with the bank, and not with how much money I have to spend, I start taking things out of the cart (bye bye, apples) and the lady rings a smaller list up for me.

Beep again. You get the idea.

After another unsuccessful try, I hear a soft voice behind me.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

I turn around and see a tall man standing there with a kind look on his face.

"Do you need help paying for your groceries?"

I am awed by this sweet question and how he just shows up out of nowhere.

"Well, yes, my card isn't working."

"I can help you," he says, again in that so-soft voice that I can barely hear.

All the things I removed from my cart are re-scanned, and the sweet cashier once again gives the total: "$44.47." The stranger pulls out three $20 bills and sets them on the counter. He waits for the receipt to print and the change to be given, then he takes the change and walks away.

Just like that.

I thank him for the third time as he is walking away with his back to me. He doesn't stop, just turns his head and nods.

I push the cart out to the parking lot, load up the car, and sit there completely amazed at what God does, thanking him for someone that saw a need and stepped in, not wanting any accolades or compensation. I wish I had thanked him twice as many times, gotten his name, given him a hug. I pray that he knows that he has blessed us that night, and I pray that he is blessed himself.

Words can't express what I feel about what he did.

Three $20 bills and a tall stranger with a heart of gold have given me an inspiration.

I want to be that person who just shows up - in the check out line, at Starbucks, in the parking lot, at church, at home, at school - and takes care of something. The person who pays for the couple in the car behind them, the person who is poof, there, and poof, gone, when someone can't pay for what they have in the bags. The person who sees someone struggling with a door and a load of stuff and runs to help. The person who sees a serviceman/woman or first responder in the restaurant and picks up their tab.

The person who sees someone struggling with all those things that run deeper than groceries, heavy doors, and a $5 latte... and is there. With help.



So that's part of what I believe is the mission God has sent us on. Show love and mercy. Leave an impact on people that leaves them feeling knocked out of their socks and wondering what it is that makes you do that. I will be looking out for those who need help - whether it's a $20 bill handed to the cashier without pause or a long hug and tissue for the tears.

I want to give others that unbelievable feeling I had while sitting in the Walmart parking lot last Saturday.

Why don't you join me?

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.   James 3:17 (NKJV)

Lessons from the Soap Opera of Genesis

In our family devotions tonight, we were reading the colorful story of Jacob and his little love triangle... not the nicest story out there. Man meets woman, falls in love. Decides to marry woman and works 7 years for her. So far, so good. Wedding day arrives and said woman's father pulls a stunt. Here you go, sister of the bride, stand in for your sister. It'll all work out, don't worry. Groom discovers trick after wedding, decides that he still wants the original woman. So off he goes to work, because in 7 years she will be his too. Once he has her, things sort of fall apart. First bride, Leah, sees that second bride, Rachel, is loved more than she is. I think it's very interesting what God did - he opened her womb but not Rachel's. If Jacob were smart, he would've seen something in that. Anyway... Leah has 4 boys and Rachel as of yet has none. Rachel gets creative, decides that if her maid has a child by Jacob, it's every bit as much hers, right? So 2 more children get added to the mix. Leah pulls the same stunt and along come 2 more. Then comes the whole mandrakes episode. Next come 2 more boys and a girl, all Leah's. Of course, Rachel eventually does have 2 children of her own, one of whom would be a shining example of everything his parents were (mostly) not. Deceitful dad (Laban), slick sisters, and Jacob (not exactly the most scrupulous individual himself) make for a great combination. This story is an absolute mess. We read it and go, Wow. Really? What do you think you're doing? What do you expect from all your treachery and jealousy? And how sad is it that these two sisters end up practically mortal enemies?

Fast forward a couple thousand years. From one of the children that came from this mess comes Jesus, "for He shall save His people from their sins". Very, very worth noting that God chose this VERY dysfunctional family to be in the ancestry of His Son. They weren't the only ones - Rahab the prostitute. Ruth, from Moab - serious enemies of Israel. David, Solomon, Uzziah, the list continues. Note He didn't choose "perfect" people or people that had it all together - great family life, wonderful background, epitome of great character. The only perfect one in this whole saga - 6,000 years of it - is Christ.

It's a good lesson for us - they were all 100% sinners, same as the rest of us. And yet God loved them and decided that he would give them the honor of being fathers and mothers of Jesus, the perfect Savior. Because He loved them too and bore their sin, died, and rose for them. Very ordinary people, with slightly dramatic stories.

Now look at yourself today. We are not ancestors of Jesus as the ones mentioned above, but brothers and sisters of His after He came. But we are the same as Jacob, Rachel, Leah, and the rest of them. Once again, God has chosen us - liars, thieves, cheaters - to carry out His plan. To fulfill His commission. To be loved by the Almighty Father and His Son, the King. Pretty amazing, isn't it?

So let that color your view of yourself, your life, and what you are doing here. He has chosen you to live in this time, you to know His love and grace, you to show Him to the rest of the world. You can't do anything about it. You can't be perfect enough, good enough, flawless enough. He did it all, and we are the grateful recipients. You and I, messed up, sinners, unfaithful, catty, jealous - are also part of His plan, just as Jacob and his problem family were part of His plan. So look at Genesis 29 and onwards with this word constantly in your mind:

grace.

Then, go out and live your life and be grateful that you are loved, free, and forgiven. Think of Jacob... Rahab... David... the imperfect people that were used by a perfect God in His flawless plan. And remember that no matter what happens, or how you disobey, He loves you with an unmeasurable love... and He has made you just the right size puzzle piece for His plan. Wow.

Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:

That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:20-21